The expectation for women to have children is still deeply ingrained in our modern-day society. With age, these pressures can get even more intense, and dealing with questions like “When are you going to have a baby?” is often unpleasant, as many find this topic too personal or sensitive to discuss with just anyone.
Recently, redditor Minimum_Reaction_724 shared how she endured similar inquiries from a male colleague at a work seminar. At first, she tried to ignore them, but he kept pushing for it, which led her to tell a lie that embarrassed him in front of everyone.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Kent Bausman, Ph.D., a sociologist with over 25 years of experience in teaching, research, and public engagement, who kindly agreed to tell us more about societal pressures to have children.
Having to deal with the pressure of having kids as an adult can be unpleasant
To get out of this uncomfortable situation, this woman lied, shaming her colleague
Many adults nowadays are choosing to have kids later or not to have them at all
Many adults nowadays are choosing to have kids later or not to have them at all, as some say they haven’t found the right person, want to focus on their career, aren’t ready yet, or aren’t generally excited about the prospect of parenthood.
This tendency is evident in population growth, which has significantly slowed down in recent years. In fact, data suggests that 2021 was the slowest one yet. In addition, the average age to give birth hit 30 in the US in 2022, which was the highest on record yet. This decline in new parents can also be attributed to infertility, as the rate dropped by 3% in 2022, reaching a historic low.
Whether they choose to have kids later or not participate in parenthood altogether, they still feel pressured by society to become parents. According to a 2022 poll, 37% of American respondents believed that women feel pressured to have children. Meanwhile, 17% of them said that men do.
Sociologist Kent Bausman told Bored Panda, “One of the reasons why people in their thirties feel societal pressure to have children is the long-lasting cross-cultural value societies continue to place on family. Child-rearing has long been accepted as one of those cultural rituals marking adulthood. This is a deeply entrenched value that is directly and indirectly passed down through generations.”
He adds, “Throughout American history, parenthood has come to represent a symbolic marker of adulthood and social maturity. That is, having children confers some degree of social status on the individual, rightly or wrongly deserved.”
He and his wife were also childless in their thirties, as they had focused on their careers, earned post-secondary degrees, and were employed in prestigious occupations (professor and therapist). “People frequently assumed we had children or asked rather directly, “Why not?” It always felt a bit rude. Eventually, we did have a child—me in my early 40s and my wife in her early 30s,” he shares.
“I can speak to this more anecdotally than sociologically, but the pressure we experienced to have children was very subtle and indirect. I can say that by the time we were in our late 30s, we started to question our decisions,” Bausman says. “It was awkward not being able to share the same experiences as adults our age who were parents.”
