Step 1: Buy 50,000 fake followers. No one will notice, and brands will think you’re important.
Step 2: Master the ‘candid’ pose. Laugh at nothing, stare at a coffee cup like it holds the secrets of the universe, and always caption it with something deep like, “Lost in thought. ☁️”
Step 3: Call yourself a ‘CEO’ of something—doesn’t matter what. Digital entrepreneur? Content strategist? Social media guru? Just put it in your bio.
Step 4: Reach out to brands and demand free stuff in exchange for ‘exposure.’ Then complain online when they refuse.
Congratulations! You’re now an Instagram influencer. Or at least, you look like one.